This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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