If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
