Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
