if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
