worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
