dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
