on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Small penises have feelings too.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
