she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
