I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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