a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
