He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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