The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
