When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
