I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
