I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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