If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
