So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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