When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
