You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
