It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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