What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
