im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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