I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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