that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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