hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
