she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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