I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
