I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
