why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
porn star boner night. come get it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm really busy with my period
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