Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
