i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
