I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
