the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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