just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
