me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
