You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
