i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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