There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
