The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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