Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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