her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
