My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
