I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
