...so i touched it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
