omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
