shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
