Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
two words: eviction party
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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