its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
