how can u be prego again
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
