I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
